Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It’s All About the Choices

So I am setting on my couch last night, after TKD class. I am glued to the TV. Yes, I know, being a couch potato but still...I JUST exercised. It was chill time. There is but one good thing that comes from this “chill time” for me. My brain gets to relax.

Last night, it only happened for a second though because I saw a thought provoking commercial on the tube. It was the latest Subway commercial. I tried to find it so that you all could watch it. No luck. Here is the verbal Queenie version: There is a guy, in line at a fast food place. Obviously a burger joint. He turns around to the camera and is asked “Do you know what you get with a value meal?” To which he gets told that he not only gets a huge burger, a mondo order of fries and a gigantic soda...but he also gets elastic waisted pants, a stack of diet books, an unused gym membership and eventually a therapist to help him work through it all. I laughed. Mainly because all of what they said was true and it was funny.

This 2 minute commercial made me think. Everything we are right now...the place we are in with our health and weight has been up to us. We got us here. We didn’t have help. No one made us eat the crap that made us fat and unhealthy. We did it. Right? So, ultimately, WE are the ones responsible for the situation that we are in. You can’t blame the husband that cooks like a 5 star chef for making you eat enough food to last a normal person an entire week in one sitting. Nope. We can’t blame Mom for forcing us to clean our plates when we were young. It’s all on us.

We have a choice each time we put something in our mouths. We can make a bad choice. We can make a good choice. Sometimes, making the bad choices are easier and we know they will taste so darn good. In the back of our minds though, we always know that the bad choices won’t make our thighs disappear. It’s all up to us. A choice. So, when the time is upon you and you have to choose: How do you make the good choices? Simple, you don’t think about anything but the right now, and your goal. Period. Don’t think about how you haven’t had any splurges this week so you can afford this one. Think instead about how great you are going to look in those new perfectly fitting jeans. Think about how as good as that double chocolate mocha latte would taste right now, it won’t get you into those jeans any faster.

That is what always works for me. I don’t think about anything other than the decision that I need to make right now. It makes it easier to do what is right. It’s all about the choices. Always. So, what helps you get through your tough choices? When there is chocolate cake setting there and a nice fruit yogurt. What makes you pick the healthier of the two? I really think this is one of the most difficult things we are faced with as “dieters”. So much pressure on ourselves and really...it’s just about one simple choice in front of another. 

Thursday, May 22, 2008

We must ask ourselves…

We are all on the same path. It is what has joined us together as an online group here at Wicked Weighs. We all want to either improve our health or lose weight. Sometimes, both. I have preached the importance of setting goals for ourselves. I have shared mine with all of you. I have put this part of my life out there as an example to all of the readers here with hope that someone might learn something from what I am doing or not doing, whatever the case may be. At the very least, I hoped that someone may be inspired to stay on track for their own journey. But today, I ask you guys, what are you doing? Really.

It’s just not enough for us to set back and make some vague claim that we want to be healthy or lose weight. I mean, honestly, how easy is that reply? Q- What are you doing here? A - I want to lose weight.  Bleh. That answer has no commitment. None. Anyone can say it. Who do you know that isn’t trying to drop a pound or two? What you need to do, is get serious. Put a bit more thought into what it is that has you spurned on to workout every day. What scared you into wanting to actually make BIG changes in your life? And what exactly ARE you hoping to accomplish?

For me, I am terrified of winding up with heart disease - like my daddy. I want to live to see my kids have kids of their own. I want to have a passion for my life that makes people jealous. I want to look so damn good that my husband will be drooling over my bod just like he does now, only be doing that when I am 60, 70, and 80. I don’t want to be skinny. I won’t ever hate food enough to be considered skinny. But I do want to get my weight down to a “healthy” range. For me, that number is 150. I am closer to 40 than I am to 30. 150 at age 37, will make me strut around like a Barbie doll on Pageant Night.  I have photos of my fat self attached to my treadmill. I don’t ever want to look like that again. I put my goals up on my fridge door. When I am craving cheese and ice cream, I have to get past my list of goals to partake of the satan foods. I am not saying that I am the all knowing Queenie. I am saying that I finally hit my “OMG I need to change” place and am making it happen.

It is important to identify with what is going to motivate you. Find that thing that is going to carry you through the really hard times while you improve yourselves. It may be a workout buddy. It may just be writing down your goals. Whatever it is, find it. Get serious about what you are doing here. Once you figure it out, you won’t be able to fail. I promise. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Something happened to me last night that I’m not sure that I even want to admit, much less relive but I thought it was important to share in case some of you have gone through similar situations. 

My son and I went to see an early evening movie just the two of us.  It is something nice that we enjoy together and we always get there a little early so we can actually have some conversation which seems to be dwindling in this house with me trying to find work and his new infatuation with all things television.  So, I was excited and generally in a really good mood as I always am when we get to spend some going out time together.  We got our popcorn and waters and sat down in the theater, and I was in the aisle seat as I always am.  It started filling up pretty quickly but I figured it wouldn’t get that busy.  As the lights start to dim there was a mother and son also who I could see looking for a couple of seats.  They sat down directly behind us with the son sitting directly behind me and the mother sitting behind my son.  As he gets settled in he yells out, “Mommy I can’t sit here.” The mother asked him why and then he YELLS out and let me reiterate I mean YELL, “Because that woman is too fat for me to see past her.”

*gasp*

Rather than cause a scene I just didn’t move at all for fear that everyone would know where his voice was coming from.  My eyes were filling with tears and I just hoped and prayed the previews would come on so that it would drown him out, but instead of shhhhhing him like I thought the mother would, she made it way worse then it was already.  She says in a loud voice “Nathan!! That wasn’t very nice!  Now apologize for the woman for calling her fat.” Now people were turning around and to the side, and I felt like every single eye was on me as I was mentally counting the seconds till I would burst into tears.  The kid stood up - walked into the aisle - and looked me dead in the eyes and said “I’m sorry for calling you fat, maybe you should sit where you can’t block everyone.”

*sigh*

The tears came, I just couldn’t help it… they weren’t loud tears with sniffling but seriously they were there.  I can’t tell you the level of pain and embarrassment I felt right then and there.  The mother got up and started towards her son but I just turned around and said to drop it. She heard my voice - along with everyone else - and all I knew is that I felt like I was mortified… there were even snickers from two teenagers about 3 rows up. 

What made it all the worse still was that my son turned to me and asked me if they were talking about me.  We don’t use the “F” word in my house and he rarely watches or listens to anything that would use the word as well, but he does know what it means.  I just told him yes and he saw my tears and told me that it was okay that I wasn’t fat.  Which of course made me cry even more.  I didn’t walk out but you’re damn straight that I stayed there until every single person in the movie theater had left after the credits started rolling. 

It was by far one of the most horrible moments in my life.  And it is a moment that will forever change me from here on out. 

I realize that yes the kid was just a product of his parents and family, but I can’t blame him.  He didn’t learn respect and that’s fine - but the fact is I am fat :( Not that I deserved that comment, but kids say what is on their mind, and the mother was trying to do the right thing even if she went about it in completely the wrong way.  I don’t know if anyone else has been through this, but let me tell you… it wasn’t fun at all :(