Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Something happened to me last night that I’m not sure that I even want to admit, much less relive but I thought it was important to share in case some of you have gone through similar situations. 

My son and I went to see an early evening movie just the two of us.  It is something nice that we enjoy together and we always get there a little early so we can actually have some conversation which seems to be dwindling in this house with me trying to find work and his new infatuation with all things television.  So, I was excited and generally in a really good mood as I always am when we get to spend some going out time together.  We got our popcorn and waters and sat down in the theater, and I was in the aisle seat as I always am.  It started filling up pretty quickly but I figured it wouldn’t get that busy.  As the lights start to dim there was a mother and son also who I could see looking for a couple of seats.  They sat down directly behind us with the son sitting directly behind me and the mother sitting behind my son.  As he gets settled in he yells out, “Mommy I can’t sit here.” The mother asked him why and then he YELLS out and let me reiterate I mean YELL, “Because that woman is too fat for me to see past her.”

*gasp*

Rather than cause a scene I just didn’t move at all for fear that everyone would know where his voice was coming from.  My eyes were filling with tears and I just hoped and prayed the previews would come on so that it would drown him out, but instead of shhhhhing him like I thought the mother would, she made it way worse then it was already.  She says in a loud voice “Nathan!! That wasn’t very nice!  Now apologize for the woman for calling her fat.” Now people were turning around and to the side, and I felt like every single eye was on me as I was mentally counting the seconds till I would burst into tears.  The kid stood up - walked into the aisle - and looked me dead in the eyes and said “I’m sorry for calling you fat, maybe you should sit where you can’t block everyone.”

*sigh*

The tears came, I just couldn’t help it… they weren’t loud tears with sniffling but seriously they were there.  I can’t tell you the level of pain and embarrassment I felt right then and there.  The mother got up and started towards her son but I just turned around and said to drop it. She heard my voice - along with everyone else - and all I knew is that I felt like I was mortified… there were even snickers from two teenagers about 3 rows up. 

What made it all the worse still was that my son turned to me and asked me if they were talking about me.  We don’t use the “F” word in my house and he rarely watches or listens to anything that would use the word as well, but he does know what it means.  I just told him yes and he saw my tears and told me that it was okay that I wasn’t fat.  Which of course made me cry even more.  I didn’t walk out but you’re damn straight that I stayed there until every single person in the movie theater had left after the credits started rolling. 

It was by far one of the most horrible moments in my life.  And it is a moment that will forever change me from here on out. 

I realize that yes the kid was just a product of his parents and family, but I can’t blame him.  He didn’t learn respect and that’s fine - but the fact is I am fat :( Not that I deserved that comment, but kids say what is on their mind, and the mother was trying to do the right thing even if she went about it in completely the wrong way.  I don’t know if anyone else has been through this, but let me tell you… it wasn’t fun at all :(

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Now what?

So, we have all wiped our slates, we weighed ourselves, we reset our goals, now what?

I am a list maker. List are wonderful for me to get things accomplished. So naturally, I am going to suggest making a list. Lets call this one “The List o Death”. On this list, you need to write down all of the things that you are doing wrong, eating that you shouldn’t be eating and the things that you aren’t doing enough of. Basically, whatever it is about you that you know you need to change. Because, let’s face it, we all know WHAT we need to be doing, eating and not doing by now, right?

My list looks like this:

1. Exercise: Everyday. No matter what. And fingers clacking on the keyboard does not count as exercise. If I am not sweating, it is not exercise.
2. Cut down portions on ALL meals. I mentioned this yesterday on one of my posts or comments. I KNOW that I am eating too much when I eat. I love food. I can’t help it but I am changing that TODAY.
3. Eat more raw foods. I know they are good for me. Hard to find in restaurants but I need to make better efforts at home.
4. Stop focusing on the scale. Yes essentially the numbers count, but they do not judge whether or not I am happy and fit.
5. Find 15 minutes every day just for me. Locking myself in the bathroom to pee doesn’t count. I deserve 15 minutes. I need to take it.
6. STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!!

When you all make your lists of death, you can be as specific or as general as you want. It’s YOUR list. I would also suggest that you actually either write it on paper, or post it on a blog. Keep it in front of you so that you can look at it everyday. This will keep you focused on the things that you need to be doing or not doing. Accountability. Right? That is what this place is here for. Next stop: Healthville.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Friday = Starting Over

As Queenie mentioned yesterday, it sure seems like everyone here is a little down about their weight loss or lack thereof.  Maybe its the time of the year, or perhaps we have all been trying so long that we have simply come to the point where we need to reassess our goals - which on the whole isn’t a bad thing to do whether or not you are lacking motivation.  So, let’s use this day to not only weigh-in but to sit down and right our individual goals - both short term and long term.  When you take the time to write them down you see how completely doable they really are.  For me, I keep giving myself a whole number - 82 whopping pounds I need to lose.  Well, when put into that broad of a term I’m completely deflated before I even get my ass up and do anything about it.  That seems completely unreasonable to me!  So today I’m changing my mindset and my goals:

Goal 1 - Lose 10 pounds by June 15th (10 pounds in one month may not be doable for everyone but because I am so overweight it is very doable for me)
Goal 2 - Lose 25 pounds by August 1st
Goal 3 - Lose 50 pounds by Thanksgiving
Goal 4 - Lose 82 pounds by April 1st

Sure, it still sounds like a lot, but for right now I am only looking at that one number - goal number 1.  I can do that!  So, take the time to weigh-in, reassess where you are in your own weight loss journey right now and then write out your goals.  Be specific and say things like work out 4 times a week, or do strength training 3 times a week - whatever you feel you need to do to stick to them.  I just listed my weight loss goals here, I personally wrote down over 18 other goals but I didn’t want to bore you with them all

Hope you all find this to be the motivation you need to get yourselves back on track!